3-31-16/ The day that almost....

Before today, all birthdays were a day of celebration, gifts, and cake!! Today takes on a whole new meaning. Last night before bed I said my prayers and thanked GOD for giving me tomorrow. Tomorrow, why would I have to be thankful for tomorrow you ask? Well, until this year I had always taken for granted that March 31st would come. In the past, it symbolized the day I got to drive, my first beer and then last year turning the big 40!! Joe had always told me that when you turn 40, you start to fall apart. I laughed at him and thought he was nuts! Well, Joe you were right beyond your words. I had my first set of stitches from a pizza cutter incident, diverticulitis, and the big Heart Attack! Yikes, let's hope 41 is a better year.

Not only did I fall apart I almost lost it all. I sit here and write this blog post today with tears filling my eyes. Crazy right!! I should be over the moon excited that I get to go out to eat and have Birthday Cake ( Heart Healthy of course... maybe not), but all I can think about is that this day almost didn't happen.

There is no playbook that the nurses give you when you leave the hospital.( How I wish there was!) It would have chapters such as 1. Happy Days that now take on a new meaning. 2. Emotions beyond emotions. 3. Sam's Club memberships for Kleenex. 3. Grieving the old you. 4. Family, strengthening the ties that bind. 5. Never taking anything for granted. 6. Exercise.. The turtle vs. the rabbit. 7. Cardiac Rehab, bonding with strangers over your common bond.

It's been fun getting all the birthday wishes on Facebook and texts from friends and families. Although I will have to admit I have had many tears, they are happy tears. Tears, that I have so many loved ones in my life. Friends that I haven't talked to for years are reaching out. As I sit here and write I listen to the 10,000 Maniacs and their song These are the Days.  A song that holds a deep meaning. Joe and I call it our song, I listened to it over and over when my dad passed to remind me that life must go on.  And today LIFE DOES GO ON!!  In the song, it says " These are days that  you'll remember, never before and never since I promise."  Although these last seven weeks have been hard as crazy as it is to say, I wouldn't change the experiences I've had. It has made my family slow down and begin to enjoy every moment of every day. We find ourselves laughing more. Parker's favorite quote is "Mom, did I just give you another heart attack?"  Humor makes us who we are.. and everyone needs more of that in their lives!!

 

 

Joe for my birthday this morning gave me the Pandora Heart charm for my bracelet! It sparkles, just like my true heart.. for the new lease on life GOD has given me!! Both Julie and Jennifer gave me the bracelets above it. The Circle represents the path of life and the sailboat the journey.

 

 

Tomorrow I graduate from Cardiac Rehab!! I will be holding my diploma high. As one chapter in my life ends another begins!!



Starting new.. time to put the blood pressure cuff away

Monday begins a new chapter in my life. I am going back to work after five weeks off and ready to get back into the swing of things.(well, maybe not that excited about it) Today I looked at Joe and said: "its time to put the blood pressure cuff away." That cuff that has sat beside me on the coffee table for many weeks for those times I felt light headed and dizzy. I don't feel the need for it anymore since they finally have my medication on the right track, and I'm able to walk more and not get so short of breath.

My new start on Monday will include both work and cardiac rehab. I won't lie to you I am nervous to begin work again. I feel like I am so far behind and have no idea where to start... I guess I'll just open up the emails and take them one at a time. I have made a promise to myself that I am going to try not to get stressed out! (ok.. manage my stress better). We all have experienced that feeling of doom and gloom after coming off vacation, opening up your computer and seeing the long list of emails and wondering what do I do??? These last five weeks have not been a vacation..I have struggled both mentally and physically to understand what happened to me and how to keep simply just putting one foot in front of the other.

At the beginning of this experience, I had dreaded going to cardiac rehab and getting asked " Why are you here? You are so young? What happened?

Now, that I've gotten to know my group members I look forward to seeing their smiling faces three times a week. Over the last two weeks, I have had members of my cardiac rehab group graduate from phase 2 and begin phase 3. (I'm currently in phase 2 until April). I hate to say it, but I find myself sad when they graduate and leave me behind. Don't get me wrong I'm excited that they are doing well enough to be able to move on, but I miss having conversations with them on the treadmills.  I look forward to the day that I graduate from cardiac rehab and yet put another stage of the healing process behind me.

The other day on the treadmills the conversation among the cardiac rehab group was longevity. They talked about many of their siblings and parents having had heart attacks as young as 45 years old. I almost fell off the treadmill.... wow, I have that beat!!!  Now, I can see Brenna and Parker at their doctors appointments checking the box for family history of heart attacks. Up until this point, I had looked at my longevity as how long my grandparents had lived. I never once thought about how my heart attack would now change the course of my kids longevity conversations. I had always thought of my longevity line as being amazing long. All my grandparents had lived well into their golden years. When I filled out my life insurance almost 15 years ago, I was considered high risk because my dad had passed away from lung cancer. Not heart disease, not a heart attack or stroke. It's truly amazing how one split second can alter not only your life but your kids. When I use to go to the doctor, and they would ask me what medications I was taking I would say one.. and joke with them about how boring I was. Now, I pull out my medication sheet and go from nuts to bolts about the medications I'm on. My family doctor said not many patients surprise me, but you make the top 5!

NCAA Tournament 2nd round!

This experience has forever altered not just my life but also my families. I appreciate all the kind words over these last few weeks. I don't know how I would have ever gotten through this without the love of my friends and family. Although Monday will bring a lot of emotions and a new definition of me.. I'm ready to get back into life. This weekend I began to increase my activity level and although at the end of the day I was extremely tired it was SO WORTH IT!!

Below are some pictures of me beginning to enjoy life again as the new me.. Sure I now pack two stents in my right coronary artery, but I also pack a new beginning.. This heart attack will not define who I am as a person or limit what I am capable of! It is just a blip on the radar of life... WATCH OUT WORLD BECAUSE HERE I COME!



St. Patrick's Parade 2016